Do the thing that you said you would never do
Do the thing that you said you would never do
Do you ever make really bold statements like "I would NEVER do fill in the blank"?
Yeah, me too.
This year I decided to eat my words and do two things that I said I'd never do.
Every year for awhile now (what is time?), I've been writing myself a future letter. I try to write it as close to January 1st as possible and before I write it, I read last year's letter.
I also like to pick a word for each year, and I had decided 2023's word would be joy.
Yup, 2023 was going to be the year I worked less and enjoyed life more. I had been stuck in a grind cycle and felt perpetually exhausted. I promised myself this would be the year I break the cycle.
Welp, then I opened 2022's letter and read my previous version's hopes and dreams and was pretty devastated.
My word for 2022 was fucking joy. And most of the thoughts I had swirling around in my mind were the same sentiments that I had already written down and failed miserably at accomplishing.
I loathed myself in that moment. Like truly.
I felt inauthentic. Who was I to ask guests to slow down, take better care of themselves and tune into what they actually wanted out of life? I encourage everyone in my orbit to live a life that they love and I felt like I had never actually taken my own advice. What a hypocrite.
So as I sat there in a pool of self-loathing, I asked myself why can't I figure this out. I've been committed to personal development for a pretty long time. I have plenty of tools, practices, resources, etc. to figure this shit out.
So then why was it so hard?
I didn't know (yet) that I had convinced myself it was going to be hard. And as you know, you believe what you tell yourself.
Starting a retreat business with no existing clients was hard.
Quitting my job in 2019 was hard.
Surviving a pandemic the first year I went all in on my travel brand was hard.
And sales has always been the hardest part for me.
But these are all things that I've overcome and found a fair amount of growth and joy in during the process. But when you're laser-focused on the hard parts, you don't get to revel in the good parts.
I spent most of my days dying at my desk instead of enjoying all of the freedom and flexibility that I had created for myself.
I decided to postpone writing my letter and ask for help.
Asking for help is still something I'm practicing and I wasn't yet sure where to seek it out, but as usual it fell into my lap a few days later.
I've been subscribed to a newsletter for creative writing for years and in one of the sections that was shared there was a referral to the amazing human that would become my coach over the next 6 months.
I clicked on the link thinking maybe this was the answer to all of my problems, filled out the application without even reading the sales page, and before I knew it I was having personal conversations with this woman that I stumbled upon via the internet.
I have lots of friends that are coaches and I believe they are very good at their jobs, but the two reasons why I said I would never hire a coach were:
Like the yoga industry, coaching is fairly unregulated and I've seen "professionals" do more harm than good on too many occasions.
I normally believe that I can figure most of this shit out on my own.
Andee has great energy, and she called me out on my own bullshit immediately, so I committed to spending the next 6 months with her.
She shared tips and resources.
I shared daily present moment awareness notes.
We shared an hour together each week via Zoom.
She reminded me to set intentions.
I worked through a lot of my limiting beliefs.
We respected each other.
She held me accountable.
I kept showing up.
We became friends throughout the process.
We wrapped up our 6 months together on July 18 and I'm still feeling its effects.
I'm more present.
I feel more clear.
I'm hyperaware of the things I tell myself.
I miss her a lot but feel confident integrating everything she gave me into my daily life.
I've worked WAY less than I have in years.
I'm having the best summer I've had in a long time.
I have more abundance than I've ever had.
I feel more worthy of it all.
I couldn't be more grateful.
And now I'm running with her and she's coaching me through that. More on that later, still hate it too much to discuss here ;) If you're new here, I've said for as long as I can remember that "if I am running, you should be too because something bad is chasing me."
So friend, join me in tackling that thing you said you would never do.
It could change your life.
And if you need a little help with getting out of your own way, reach out to Andee. She's the absolute best!
Images by Personal Branding Maven Elise Kutt at Mod Bettie Portraits
My name is Anna VanAgtmael, and I am retreat host, travel designer, and a certified yoga instructor with a passion for yoga, travel, and connecting with others.
I believe in trying everything once. My values lie in collecting memories over things.
My ambition is to inspire and encourage you to unmask your fears and jump into the unknown.
Anna VanAgtmael | Retreat Host | Travel Designer