A Lesson in Surrendering
A lesson in surrendering
I spent a lot of the holidays sick...like, really sick. I got that crazy virus that only people with children should get (parents, calm down, I’m only kidding...sort of!) It started with a terrible sinus infection that lasted a week followed by a round of laryngitis for three whole days. I secretly think my husband enjoyed the silence. ;)
I was at first frustrated and dramatic with constant thoughts of “why me” and “I never get sick, what the hell” and continued to push through with well-practiced denial. However, by the second day of trying to “fake it til’ you make it,” I was bedridden. I’m not sure I’ve ever gotten that much sleep in my life. I slept the majority of the next three days and in this time, the feeling of self-pity and overwhelm starting sinking it’s claws in. I had no idea how I was going to catch up on all of my work since I had slept away half of a week.
Luckily, I had an appointment scheduled with my acupuncturist who is also a naturopath. She reminded me that no matter how hard I tried not to be sick, my body was telling me that I needed rest. So I went home and continued to sleep. The next day I lost my voice and was forced to cancel social plans for the rest of the weekend. I spent some time meditating and mostly reminded myself that the more I fight things that I don’t have control over, the worse I make the situation. I’ve come to notice that when I pause and surrender to the process that things always eventually work out the way that they should. I spent most of 2018 failing at making time for self-care so I thought this was the perfect reminder to do a better job of making self-care a priority in 2019.
Instead of holiday parties that normally include too many sweets, alcoholic beverages and late nights, I took the time to make homemade soup, indulge in napping, long soaks in the hot tub and put all work on hold for over a week. I slowly got better without the help of antibiotics (which I was hoping to avoid.) I finally got to read some of the books that have been collecting dust on the shelves in my home. My husband and I got to binge watch some of our favorite shows on Netflix and you know what didn’t happen? I didn’t get that behind in my work and no one missed me while I took time off. Life has a way of taking care of itself if you let it.
I had another lesson in surrender over the holidays. My husband and I have been trying to purchase a lake home for over a year. To be kind, the seller was an idiot. I spent several months at the end of 2017 trying to convince him to do what I wanted and he always said what I wanted to hear but never followed through with his actions. I spent some time being angry, frustrated and disappointed and then one day I decided if it was meant to happen, it would, but I was done pursuing it. And nothing did happen for about 9 months but then out of the blue, he contacted my husband and I will be forever grateful to Ryan for handling the majority of the process from there. We were able to close on December 26th and it was, in my opinion, a Christmas miracle.
In hindsight, I think that it happened the way that it was supposed to. It didn’t happen how I wanted it to at the time but I’m now glad it didn’t. I put a pretty big investment into Wandering Roots last year and that was ok, I started a company, that’s a process that usually requires an investment. If we had the cottage at the same time, it would’ve stretched us pretty thin financially and that’s not a place I like to live and thankfully, haven’t for several years. It probably would’ve been enough to talk myself out of even starting Wandering Roots. That would’ve been really sad because there was so much personal growth for me in 2018. I’m grateful for all of the lessons, especially the hard ones. I’m hoping I surrender and trust the process without as much of a fight in this new year and I hope I’ll rest when I need it.
I hope you’ll join me in investing in yourself this new year. You’re worth it and you totally deserve it.
Images by Personal Branding Maven Elise Kutt at Mod Bettie Portraits
My name is Anna VanAgtmael, and I am a certified yoga instructor with a passion for yoga, travel, and connecting with others.
I believe in trying everything once. My values lie in collecting memories over things. Though we desire adventure and authentic experiences, naturally our fear holds us back.
My ambition is to inspire and encourage you to unmask your fears and jump into the unknown.
Anna VanAgtmael | Yoga Enthusiast | Travel Designer