Surrendering to 2020

My word for 2020 was “surrender.” Late in 2019, I was setting goals for 2020 and was so excited, actually more like stoked for all of the opportunities that I thought 2020 had in store for me. So after jotting down some huge professional and personal goals, I took a minute to reflect on what word or feeling I wanted to evoke throughout this year. I kept hearing “surrender” over and over in my head and was very resistant at first. I eventually decided “surrender” was exactly what I needed.

I was well aware that I often fell into the same pattern of trying to force things and situations to go the way that I wanted them to go and it always resulted in turmoil and hard feelings. In fact, whenever I made a conscious decision to stop trying to control and just surrender to the process, the situation always worked out exactly how it was supposed to and also caused me way less stress and anxiety.

Today I’m sitting on a beach in Saugatuck, MI sitting in the uncharacteristically warm temps, listening to the waves crash against the shore and basking in the sunshine reflecting on how much I’ve hated this year. I have had to surrender so many times this year and each time I’ve felt the urge to scream “well played universe, well played.” And also sometimes f**k off! I caught myself multiple times this year saying “I have to stop hating this year,” but I wasn’t very good at doing more than just making the statement.

I think today may have been the first time that I unclenched my jaw since March. Today was also the first time I spent much time remembering all of the good that happened this year. I think I spent the majority of the year trying to react and pivot that I wasn’t very intentional about the surrendering or the reflective gratitude that could have accompanied it. I am grateful now. For all of it.

Despite having to reschedule all of my retreats and losing some guests in the process, I made some major moves and shifts towards products and services that actually align better with my brand. This resulted in walking away from offerings that were no longer serving me. I made huge strides on what my personal values are as well as how I value myself. I no longer value my worth based on my productivity (for the most part, but this may be a lifelong practice for me.)

I found more of a partnership in my marriage by finally letting my husband take care of me for a change. It’s a pretty beautiful experience to see someone love and support you through what you perceive to be your flaws and failures. We finally finished the pit, moved out of our home of the last 13 years and moved toward a lifelong dream of mine to build. Despite having multiple trips cancelled, we were able to explore Vermont and New Hampshire and fall in love with all of the small towns nestled in the mountains.

So friends, I invite you to do the same. Reflect on the good things that happened this year. Write them down if that helps. Maybe even write down some of the lessons or clarity that this year gave you.

I know this has been a tough year on a lot (maybe all?) of us, but I bet everyone got clear on what was truly important to them. I became more intentional with my time, money, energy, etc. I proved to myself over and over that I’m resilient AF. And when I pause long enough to be present, I can find the beauty and grace in pretty much anything.

So 2020, thanks…I guess, but maybe next year I won’t pick a word ;)

My name is Anna VanAgtmael, and I am retreat host, travel designer, and a certified yoga instructor with a passion for yoga, travel, and connecting with others.

I believe in trying everything once. My values lie in collecting memories over things.

My ambition is to inspire and encourage you to unmask your fears and jump into the unknown.

Anna VanAgtmael | Retreat Host | Travel Designer